January 14, 2018
6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! WOOHOO! A couple minutes after Mitch got down his knee and popped the question. I was so surprised and gladly said YES! A mixture of emotions came all at once and I couldn’t think properly but I knew 2017 was gonna to be a great year!
So here I am, the last day of 2017, sitting on my bed and thinking how this year has been. Overall I think 2017 was a great year but it was definitely way more challenging than I thought it would be. The first few months of 2017 were like a dream. New job, sweet messages from friends and family about the engagement and Valentines and my birthday in February. I really thought this just couldn’t be better.
However, reality and pressure from myself started to kick in not long after. I won’t say I am a perfectionist but I do like keeping things in order or at least “make sense”. I tend to follow logic and sometimes I do not even take my feelings into account. My parents tend to also think that way AND they had NEVER met Mitch before at that time so tension began to rise.
They were happy about the news… at least they appeared to be. But they also concerned about how Mitch and I finances would work. This whole thing allowed me to have an “adult” conversation with them and reassure them I know what I am doing and why we are getting married. I tried to explain God is in the center of our relationship and how He is leading us. But since they don’t believe in God, it’s really hard to have that conversation. Regardless, I think it went better than I expected at the end.
Still, my own worries remained. I knew God was leading and had a purpose for everything and I’d tell people confidently it’s true but I had had a hard time believing it at times. I shared that to Mitch and we prayed together. I felt better and hopeful again. I slowly learned to give it all to God and allow Him to work in me instead of me trying to fix myself or the situation. Now I feel the joy of anticipation and peace of awaiting what God can do and will do.
Fast forward to past few months. Man, it was HARD! I felt like I was surrounded by so many tensions and heartbreaks that I couldn’t even breathe. First of all, my mom had a major thyroid surgery that was confirmed not cancerous (what a relief!). When I first got the news about her having a thyroid issue that could possibly be cancer, I was at work and I cried in front of my manager. She gave me a big hug — that’s exactly what I needed. I felt useless and super scared and it made it worse when I was so far away from home that I couldn’t even go visit her. I didn’t know how to comfort her. I felt like an unresponsible daughter.
Long story short, God used this event to get my attention so I would completely rely on Him. At first, I felt like praying for my mom was a duty because it was something I should do. So I just prayed but did not feel the Holy Spirit moving at all. But the more I prayed, the more I felt the presence of God and how His promises stayed true regardless of my circumstances. And I didn’t feel like praying is a duty anymore rather it’s something I wanted to do willingly and freely.
Honestly, I don’t know how to end this post but I thought I would end this with gratitude for 2017 and prayer.
I am so grateful for such an understanding family even when they do not necessarily agree with me but they still love me the way I am. I am thankful for Mitch who I will call my husband in 6 months. I am thankful for God calling him to do Campus Ministry. I love to see how he intentionally reaches out and cares for students. His boldness and vulnerability always inspire me on multiple levels. I am also thankful for my friends and church community. I am so glad God gave me a spiritual family whom I can trust.
As we step forward to 2018, my prayer is that I will continue to grow in God as a daughter, a friend, a co-worker and a future wife. I am looking forward to what God has in store for all of us.