Last night I went out for dinner with a few of my girlfriends. We had such a wonderful time. The four of us have committed to bi-weekly Friday dinners for a little bit more than a year now. These nights are always full of delicious food, meaningful conversations, and prayers. I love that we gather as a group of close friends to talk and share our hearts. I felt particularly grateful after our dinner last night, and I couldn’t help but want to express my gratitude for these ladies.
As you may know, I have a desire to start a small business. In the past, I had no idea what it was going to look like. Everything seemed busy and confusing, and I really wanted to do it right. After spending lots of time praying and talking to my friends and family about it, I started to get the idea of building a faith-based business (I will explain what that means later).
I am not a perfect writer. I get that. Business is not what I studied in university. I get that too. People might think that I am someone who tries to get attention and talks to ghosts on Instagram. I totally get that! I have said all these things to myself so many times, probably more than anyone else in this world possibly could.
In the past, I wanted to go after my dream, but I was afraid. I was afraid that no one would understand. I was afraid that people might think I am crazy. I was SO embarrassed to tell people about my dream. Why? Because I had been living my life according to what people might like or might not like. I lived my life based on how much money was in my bank account, and convinced myself that my dream would never work. I lived my life as if everyone was watching and judging every single step I made.
I don’t intend to sound negative--what I want you to know is that if you have been living your life in fear of human approval, it is time to let that go.
The truth is:
I am not a perfect daughter.
I am not a perfect wife.
I am not a perfect sister.
I am not a perfect employee.
I am not a perfect friend.
I am definitely not a perfect Christian. Not even close.
I am not perfect in anything I do.
I am incredibly flawed.
I am failing ALL. THE. TIME.
I am not alone. We are all falling short. However, that doesn't mean we are not worth it. That doesn't mean that our dreams are invalid. We can choose to get up and move on. Now, don't get me wrong, this is different from fake it til' you make it. This is admitting your flaws while not letting your mistakes and shortcomings determine what you can and cannot do.
I am still not 100% over this people-pleasing thing. It definitely takes practice to change how we think and the way we approach life. You may not have to same struggle as I do, but I am sure that every single person has some sort of tension in their life in relation to approval or worthiness. Can I encourage you to take some time to reflect on this? I hope you know that I truly care and think about you as I am writing this. I know how hard it is, and I know this is not something we can easily bring up at the dinner table. However, I don't want you to just let it sit inside of you. Bring it to the light, and darkness won't even have the option of staying.